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Posts Tagged ‘grief’

Life intrudes, its what it does.

RIP Jeremy

RIP TSG JeremyCross

The world lost someone this past week, though you’ve probably not heard of him.

I hesitate to call him a friend. You see, he was enlisted while I’m an officer. We aren’t allowed to get to close, lest favoritism cloud our judgment. That is a serious thing, and people could lose stripes and bars over those sort of things. Still, if things had been different, I know that we would have been friends…even close friends.

http://www.dyess.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123467937

Though information is scarce on my end, it looks like a suicide.

You see, the Jeremy that I knew was a joy to be around. More than not, he always had a positive – “can do” attitude. He was always willing to help. Something that I benefited from on numerous occasions.

You see, as a Chaplain I was an “insta-Captain.” I joined the USAF with that rank, which others tend to need 4-5 years to earn. One of the things they told us was to find a SNCO, and let them mentor us. I was blessed to be assigned to a Group, and a have my office in a Flight that was filled with good mentors. Jeremy was one of those.

While he helped me, mentored me on more than one occasion; one thing in particular sticks out. You see, I was having problems with my PT test. That is one thing you don’t want in any military branch. Jeremy took me under his wing, and worked out with me for 2 months – 5 days a week, every afternoon so that I would pass that accursed test.

He didn’t just tell me what to do, he did it with me. He walked through it with me, every bitter-painful-step. And, because of him I got one of the best scores on my PT test that I had ever had.

We talked a lot. I got to know him really well, and was aware of some of the struggles he was dealing with. I know that I have a responsibility to not share what people tell me. It is one of the core responsibilities of Chaplains. We  guard the private information of those counselled  behind an iron curtain of confidentiality. But, even knowing that I wonder. Could there have been something, over 4 months ago that I could have done to mitigate against this day.

Four months ago…the last time we spoke. He was moving to Dyess AFB, and I was getting ready to deploy.  My heart now breaks for his son. He won’t be able to spend time with his loving father any more. I can only hope that one day someone will tell him how much his dad cared for him. I also pray that his means of death won’t diminish the memory of his love for his son.

Folks, our time together is short, make the most you can of it.

We lost a Good Man, a Good father, a Good Airmen this past week. We are lesser because of that loss.

Live with Hope. It is our weapon against the darkness.

Chap…

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unForgiven (nsfw)

*As he tromped along, you could hear him mutter under his breath*

“Dumb bastard.”

*a few minutes pass by*

“Sorry son of a bitch”

*a few more minutes pass by*

“All for what?”

*more silence*

“Dumb bastard.”

*He places one foot, violently in front of the other*

“What were you saving? Prestige? Family honor?”

*He spits onto the side of the path as he marches a long*

“Sorry son of a bitch.”

“DAMN YOU!”

*His jaw tensed as his fists clenched. His nails bit into his flesh*

He could see his newborn be taken by the Naru.

Dematerializing they called it.

To him, it just looked like his child was torn apart molecule by molecule into a column of light.

And, he agreed to it!

*He choked back his sobs*

“Dumb bastard.”

*continuing to march forward*

“Sorry son of a bitch.”

*He began to weep angry tears as he continued to march along*

Clenching his sword and shield. What he needed was a fight. Maybe, if he was lucky, he would die and meet up with his child somewhere out there in the nether.

Or wherever that damnable light went.

All Khesed could do was march forward, not looking back, green eyes set as flint.

“Dumb bastard.” *He muttered one last time.*

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Waxing Not So Eloquent

I’m going to take a moment, and just “be” with you.

I’ve spent the day with my wife and kids. We went on a “poor mans safari” at our local Cabela’s.

While there were points where I wanted to strangle the little rascals, I’m really happy that we spent this time together. I hung out with my wife and kids. Life just doesn’t get any better.

I’m also horribly aware that there are some who’ve recently lost the opportunity to hang out with their kid(s) or parent.

I have nothing of value to say when it comes to the Connecticut School shooting. I have no answers to the tough questions.

The worse question of all is, “why.”  I’ve no answer for that one in particular.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve a Master’s Degree in all the right answers to the tough questions.  But, I’ve learned something about tragedy over the past 15 or so years.

There never is an answer good enough…regardless of the question.  It just turns to ashes in my mouth.

However, I’ve found value in the “being” of others. When I hurt, I mean really hurt, I don’t want to hurt alone.  I don’t wish my pain upon another, but it sure is nice to have someone with me while I’m in the midst of it.

I’ve spent countless hours with grieving families, hurt individuals, times when emotions are either exploding around us or being locked up tight behind an iron facade. At the end of that time, no one can remember what I said.  But, everyone remembers that I was there with them.

“Being” counts.

Thanks…

Thanks for “being” with me.

Thanks for reading my little blog.

Thanks for playing WoW with me, and letting me be a part of (y)our WoW community.

Thanks for just “being.”  I really appreciate it.

Z

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